So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
