You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
