Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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