I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
