I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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