Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
