so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
