It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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