My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
