Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
