I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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