It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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