I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
