Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
