He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
