my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
