What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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