woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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