You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
