toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
