so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
