So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
