Too much gin, very little bucket
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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