Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
