I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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