I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
