why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
