I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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