My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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