my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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