Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Randomize
