either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
