but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
