Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
