fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
