omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
