he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
