We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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