I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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