What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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