Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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