You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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