Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
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we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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