you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
