im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
