Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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