8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
