So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Vodka?
Forever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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