A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
