so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
