what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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