My sheets look like a crime scene.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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