i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
accomplished twins. life is a go
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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