Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
