I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
