i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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