Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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