Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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