we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
