all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
