Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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