I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
