i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
