My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
