Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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