kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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