fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
