So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
