My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
