I wish I could teleport
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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