So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
